I really enjoy disliking things. Like, an unhealthy amount. There are many things that most people can agree to hate together, but there are others where I find myself in the minority. Here are several things I love to hate that other people seem to really like.
1. Love triangles
I have witnessed many a character assassinated by something known as ‘the love triangle.’ Strong, capable girls are bogged down by teen angst and reduced to adolescent caricatures of themselves by this ridiculous plot device. One minute, Katniss is trying to decide how to lead a revolution. The next minute, she’s trying to decide who she wants to make out with more: Gale or Peeta. OH MY DEAR SWEET BABY SQUIDS JUST SHUT UP. If you’re really that torn, you obviously are not ready for anything with either one of them. Girl. Cut them loose, already. Please.
The guys don’t get away scott-free either. Time and time again, upstanding and otherwise admirable young men are forced to be wishy-washy and gaze lovingly at a girl who is clearly yanking their chain. Come on, guys. You’re better than this.
The love triangle is really nothing but a cheap way to get teen girls to care about the story you are trying to tell. They can work, but only if they aren’t at the expense of your characters. Casablanca, anyone? Now there was a love triangle that worked.
2. Moulin Rouge!
So many people love this movie. So. Many. People. I don’t get it. It is one of the worst films I’ve ever seen. It brings a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘style over substance.’ It is an atrocity and must be destroyed.
Writer Guy and Showgirl Prostitute meet and fall madly in love over the course of about two seconds. Their characters are as follows: she’s pretty. He can sing. But wait, there’s more! Showgirl Prostitute is not only pretty, she’s also dying. Shenanigans that are very loud, flashy, and overacted ensue. Throw in a bunch of nonsense and a tragic ending that failed to make me feel anything and you’ve got ‘Moulin Rouge!’
3. Romeo & Juliet adaptations
Speaking of Baz Lurhmann movies…
If there’s one thing everybody loves, it’s Romeo & Juliet. Lauded as the ‘greatest love story of all time,’ countless film adaptations have been made celebrating the great and powerful lurve between the two titular characters. And call me Scrooge, but I despise every single one of them.
Romeo & Juliet is commonly adapted for the stage/screen as a tragic love story. The problem is, it isn’t a love story. The tragedy isn’t a romantic one, it’s a familial one.
Think about it. Two pimply adolescents see each other a grand total of two times before deciding that they’re madly in love. Okay, typical Shakespeare, but Shakespeare’s characters generally fall in love at first sight in his comedies, not his tragedies. The shallowness of the relationship is made even more obvious when both characters feel the need to kill themselves because they can’t bear to live without the other one. That’s not romance. That’s emotional immaturity.
The real conflict in Romeo & Juliet is the fact that the Montagues and the Capulets are too busy fighting with each other to even notice what their children are getting themselves into. Their kids died while they weren’t paying attention. Their suicides are the direct result of the Montagues’ and the Capulets’ constant feuding. It’s their fault. Their kids are dead because of them.
So I’m sorry, but when I see a ridiculous lovey-dovey production of Romeo & Juliet with a couple of attractive 25 year-olds in the main roles, it kind of makes me want to gag a little. Or a lot.
Well, there you have it. I hope you have enjoyed my venomous tirades. Maybe I will attempt to think of more things that I hate later (which shouldn’t be difficult), but for now, I’m just going to go watch some cat videos.